I love to go through my old journals. There is something fascinating about reading time backwards, remembering stressful problems, then flipping forward and seeing their resolutions. For once, I can face difficult days calmly, remembering them after they are finished.
Time is a grace – hard things don’t last forever.
Flipping the pages of my journal, I notice that everything works out in the end. It always does.
“That was a busy time, but I made it through… I was worried about that, but it all fell into place… I wasn’t getting along with that person, but I worked through it and I really like them now… That used to be a huge deal to me, but now it’s pretty inconsequential.”
Or it can go the other way. It was a simple conversation with a girl I had never met before that turned into several years of singing with Isaiah61. That, in turn, brought about lots of new friends, new places, a dating relationship and a breakup, new discoveries about God, honing musical skills, and many good memories.
A choice here, a trip there – and your life is slowly but surely changed forever. You notice that, when you read your life story backwards. Forwards, not so much.
I don’t do so well with uncertainties. I always meant to go racing off to the mission field soon after I turned 18, but God had other plans. Plans to keep me on the edge of my seat, waiting for the next thing. I wanted Exciting, but in His book it was written that I do Ordinary life for six more years. It wasn’t boring, really. There were different jobs, travel, friends, music, ministry opportunities – but it is difficult to do all these things on the edge of your seat, waiting for the Real Thing. Finally I said, “Okay, God. I get it. I’m in Madison County and I’ll be here forever. I will settle back in my seat. I will do Ordinary.”
That was about when the seat got prickly and Deeper Life needed a secretary.
My parents, who for six years had said, “Wait,” finally said “Go.” My ministers said, “Go.” God said, “Go.” So, away I went, following those little dreams of mine.
Being The Secretary and Having My Own Desk.
Living Far Away From Home.
Putting Myself into a New Community.
Learning by Observation and Osmosis to Counsel People (I think if I breathe the same air they do, I might inhale some wisdom).
Lightening the Load of the Administrator (Who must certainly have too much on him with no full time secretary. “I can help,” she says, and rolls up her sleeves).
Advancing the Kingdom of God in Any Way I Can.
There is one small fact that makes me skip with glee. I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO BE DOING FOR ONE AND ONE HALF YEARS! I can tell people I have a plan. No more uncertainties about my future, for a while, at least.
Oh, God knew what he was doing, withholding plans from me. It was a hard and heavy cross. It kept me on my knees. It taught me trust, and I learned important things about the character of God.
Uncertainty is an opportunity for grace. When you don’t have the comfort of a plan, you have to lean on the Comforter. Isn’t that what this is all about, these Waitings that we wander in? Allowing them to move us toward Jesus, teaching us to walk through the darkness with Him?
I flip to the end of the scribbled pages and realize that somewhere between my first entry and my last, He has become my best Friend.
What will happen next? What else will be written?
I want to live Today with the peaceful certainty I have about yesterday’s conclusions. I want to think about Tomorrow with the calmness I feel when I remember last year’s problems. I want to meet each difficult day with a cheerful, “Hello! I’m not worried about you at all – everything will turn out okay.” I want to rejoice in Waitings, as I am living them, as opportunities to draw closer to Jesus.
It’s safe there-
in His journal, Today and its problems are a thousand years old.
plaingirlspeak 